They are Angels
Lois Frank shown with her daughter Lois and son Joe
Lois Frank’s mother, who shared the same name as the daughter, passed away on April 27, 2010. The elder Frank was a resident of the Wesley Homes Health Center since September of 2005.
When she first moved into Wesley Homes Lois Frank was in her early 80’s. She was suffering from mild dementia at the time. Her daughter described the challenges her mom had adjusting to the move and how her mom’s attitude changed to become positive, and why.
“She had been in the hospital as a result of a series of falls and the hospital personnel told us Mom needed 24 hour care,” explained Frank.
“She could talk at that time, but she couldn’t dress or toilet herself. She couldn’t walk,” said Frank, “After a while she was totally dependent on the Wesley Homes staff which was scary to see. It was almost like watching the reverse of a baby growing in skills. It was like my mother lost those skills in reverse.”
“When we were looking for a place to care for Mom, we wanted to make sure she was safe and would be well taken care of. Her care and the safety and cleanliness of the facility were our highest priorities,” said Frank.
“We looked at other places and could not leave her with any of those. We didn’t feel they were safe. Some of those places should not be allowed to stay open by the State. It was just heartbreaking,” Frank said, “So when we found that Wesley Homes had an opening we were thrilled.”
The family members were all involved in the process of selecting the best place for the elder Frank. “My brother liked the place, and we even brought Mom’s brother to see it,” said Frank. “Uncle’s opinion was really important.”
“Mom was not part of the decision making process because of the dementia. She knew she couldn’t live at home anymore but she was a difficult resident at first because she had never lived alone. She’d lived with her mother until she married my Dad. It was very hard for all of us.”
“Once we moved Mom into Wesley Homes Health Center we could sleep at night because we knew she was being taken care of,” said Frank.
“Mom thought she could do a lot more than she was able to do,” said Frank. “She thought she could walk, and we’d say ‘okay, Mom let’s go for a walk’ and she couldn’t do it.”
The Period of Adjustment
“There was a period of adjustment. It took months and considerable cajoling on the part of the family and staff. We wanted Mom to really take advantage of all of the activities and at first she resisted,” admitted Frank.
“The staff paid a lot of attention to her, like they do everybody else,” said Frank, “the Chaplain was one of the first to get her involved in an activity.”
“I’d say the first sign of mom adjusting was when she would roll her wheelchair to the doorway of her room,” reflected Frank, “and watch the people go by. That’s how she started interacting with people. She was very smart to do that.”
“Also, because we were there often, my brother Joe and I, and Mom’s younger brother and his wife, Mom began to take notice that we were having fun with the staff and trusted them. When she saw that, she started to lose some of her hesitation.”
“We felt comfortable interacting with the staff,” said Frank, “We taught them about Mom: no she doesn’t do this; no she won’t like that; try using humor with her, and so forth.”
“For example, Mom didn’t want to take her medicine when she first got there,” explained Frank, “and then she only wanted to take it from family or from specific staff. She had her favorites, you see. So we communicated that to the staff and they accommodated her.”
Wesley Homes Staff – A Second Family
“The best way I can explain it is that we felt we had another family at Wesley Homes,” said Frank, “Some of the aides were like other daughters and sons to our mother. We encouraged them to call her ‘Mama’ or ‘Grandma’ because it made her feel comfortable. She could associate those terms of endearment with being loved.”
According to Frank, that “family” extended to the maintenance people, people in the laundry, people in the kitchen, at the reception desk, in housekeeping, restorative care and in activities and the extraordinary people who took care of her every day.
The financial personnel at the Health Center were invaluable in dealing with Medicare and Medicaid paperwork and procedures. Frank had heard about the nightmare friends experienced going through the process for their parents. With the help of the Wesley staff in that office, it was not difficult.
“Everyone knew my mother and they made a point of getting their work done but when they walked by they’d give her a ‘high five’ and say ‘Mama, how are you doing, how are you feeling’, and she’d smile and point her finger at them or say something in return,” said Frank.
“Even when Mom started to lose the ability to form recognizable words she still had inflections that went along with her sentences and you could tell if she was happy or sad. The Wesley Homes staff just surrounded her with love and they surrounded us with love, and there was nothing superficial about it,” said Frank.
“The pastor; my mother would light up when she saw him,” exclaimed Frank, “He was such a tease and he understood her humor and she just enjoyed him to no end.” That was Chaplin Michael Byrd.
“Part of our grieving now is that we don’t see the staff every day,” admits Frank. “They became problem solvers with us, they became comforters of us, they would ask us how we were doing.”
“And towards the end there was a week where some family member was staying all night with Mom. We were so grateful for the staff,” said Frank, “They took such good care of us. They understood what we were going through better than we did. They’ve seen it before and they know how and when to help.”
They are Angels
“We found that the absolute best at taking care of my mother were the aides and nurses who saw her every day,” said Frank, I wish we could give special recognition to those folks. They are angels, absolute angels. They were the ones who would clue in the head nurses and specialized care staff about Mom’s needs.”
“The importance of the aides is tremendous,” emphasized Frank. “They are extremely hard-working people. They enjoy the diverse personalities of the residents and are so patient.
A lot of mom’s aides were originally from countries outside of America, many from Africa. And I think as part of their culture they respect elders. Mom responded to that and loved them for it.
By the nature of their work, they have to handle very private and possibly embarrassing needs of residents and Mom was attended to in a manner that kept her dignity intact.
Click Here – to read a letter from the family of Lois Frank to Wesley Homes upon the death of their mother.
–ilene little for Wesley Homes
August 20th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Just one of many great stories about how Wesley Homes staff care for residents and their families!